Resolutions Shmesolutions

Two things about the title of this post: First: Try saying it ten times fast.......oh how I wish I were there to witness this. I, being infamously bad at tongue twisters, could only say it twice. Second: I don't really, completely mean it. I am not altogether banishing New Years resolutions from my 2012. I am just banishing my usual method of making far too many to keep. Ben Franklin once wrote down 14 virtues that he had come to decide were the basis of happiness if a person were to attain them. He then kept a daily ledger of all 14 virtues and made an accounting at the end of each day of how he had kept each virtue. Now Ben did say that he felt he had become a better man for doing this than he would have become otherwise. And I don't doubt it. He was a remarkable man who did extraordinary things with his life. However, no offense to Ben, but he had time to sit and daily ponder the 14 virtues of happiness. I happen to have three children under the age of 10, and sometimes by the end of the day all I have energy or time to ponder is what my drug of choice will be to kill the headache that has been coming on all day. Occasionally I have time and energy to think up some inane blog post that innocent readers will later stumble across in the hopes of reading something good. Tonight is one such night. I am sorry that you, dear reader, are now suffering for it. You have read this far though, so why stop now?

I am a list maker. If I need something from the store, it goes on a list. If I think of a project around the house, it goes on a list (oftentimes a "honey do" list- I won't lie). If I think of a good idea for a birthday present for someone who's birthday is months away, it goes on a list. And I realize that I am now beginning to make a list of my lists, so I will stop. As with everything else in my life, my New Years resolutions have always been in the form of a list......oftentimes a categorized, itemized list, which usually ends up being quite a bit longer than Benny's list of 14 virtues. In past years, I have made specific goals for different areas of my life.....I would write down physical goals, intellectual goals, spiritual goals, emotional goals. Sometimes these categories would be broken into categories, each of which included at least 5 goals. Now, any of you who have made and broken resolutions can probably guess about how long mine actually lasted. It was not long. I have learned from shows like "Hoarders" (who ever thought those shows could be educational) that I am a perfectionist. The deal with most hoarders is that they are actually perfectionists. They can't find the perfect spot or the perfect use for anything. So it all just piles up in one useless, nauseating heap. I think I have just enough OCD mixed in with my perfectionistic tendencies to squash the whole hoarding thing, but I am definitely a perfectionist in other areas of my life. If you were to see me on a typical day at home, I would most likely look like I hadn't showered for 2 days and forgot how to brush my hair or put makeup on. This is not because I don't care how I look, it is because I care too much. Because I don't have time to make myself look like Halle Berry, or money to pay for her five person beauty entourage, I often don't even bother trying to look good at all! I think I am making slow but steady progress with my perfectionism. I now, most days, realize that short of having a new face constructed, I am never going to look like Halle Berry, and I at least shower, take five minutes to throw on some makeup, and often even blow dry my hair. I have also made progress in my need for perfection with regards to New Years resolutions. This year, instead of making 40 resolutions and becoming a dead beat one month later when I remember that I am not a hybrid of Martha Stewart and Mother Teresa, I am making exactly one resolution (it actually physically hurts just a little bit). My resolution for 2012 is this: I resolve to spend more of my time engaging in activities which will enrich my own life and the lives of those I care about the most. That's it. Now, it goes without saying (but you know I'm gonna' say it anyway) that this resolution means spending less time engaging in activities that suck time away from the things I truly care about. Some things are going to have to get the ax, and undesirable number 1 is Facebook. Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against it. I have just recently come to the realization that I spend valuable time that I could be spending improving myself or making my children feel more loved, mindlessly scrolling through status updates of people who probably don't even know my middle name. It is 10:30, and this is the first time I have been online all day. And what a glorious day it was. I played games with my son. I took my kids to the park. I had a bubble bath. It was a near perfect day. So I guess my resolution for 2012 could also be stated another way: I resolve to create more perfect days this year. I truly believe that perfect days are created, largely by our attitude and by what we choose to spend our precious energy on. I have always hated the cliche "Live like you were dying", although I do find Kris Allen's song about the cliche very catchy. I think it is a morbid and pessimistic message. Of course we are all dying. Every breath we take brings us one breath closer to the pearly gates, whether we are to arrive at them unexpectedly in prime condition, or with white hair and wrinkles after a long journey. We're all headed to the same place (though it may be a little hotter for some when they arrive). Why dwell on this? Why not live like we're alive, with gratitude for the sheer miracle that fact is? Why not live with the attitude that each breath we take is an opportunity to become more alive, more aware of the "miraculous in the common" that surrounds us every day? The Mayan calendar may end on December 21, 2012. Perhaps this will be the end of the world as we know it. But for once in my life, my resolution is not being made in reference to what anyone else says or thinks. And you know what? I've never felt more alive!